на недельку, до второго...

[entropija]

уезжаю до понедельника в Пятнистый фьорд (Flekkefjord) у своему бывшему ученичку исключать приключения на пятую точку.
оставляю вас с текстом, который породила я, в творческом сотрудничестве с бессонницей, а также с необходимостью все-таки сдать статью в срок.
текст на английском, поэтому я даже не ожидаю особых комментов и стыдливо прячу под кат



Know Your Neighbour

Love thy neighbour, they say. Fair enough.
But before you take this crucial step, you need to know your neighbour.
In the beginning it can seem frustrating to find yourself surrounded by unknown human entities from different corners of the world. Here’s a little guide on how to classify the people you most probably will be waging kitchen wars against and establishing peace talks over a cup of tea. Or, less dramatically, shuffling in the bottleneck of bathroom units.
(The author of the text feels obliged to inform any reader of its partially fictitious and caustic content)

The Ghost
The habitat of this creature is best described as unknown. Whether they are home or not is impossible to judge. Once or twice a day they attempt a shy and thoroughly concealed sortie to the common facilities (forced to do so by the natural instincts) and before you manage to patter the usual “how-was-your-day” instance, your mysterious neighbour has already shut the door after them, carrying a frozen pizza like a precious hostage. He might also disappear for days on end without anyone looking for him; and you might ask yourself a question whether his preoccupation with things beyond your knowledge is a result of (a) lots of work, (b) much study or (c) him being Norwegian. Sometimes all three are valid.

The Activist
Try waking up one morning and finding your fridge covered in pictures of dead animals just before you wanted to have some ham and eggs. Try confiding your problems to your neighbour and seeing them curl their lips in a sort of Cheshire smile saying “Just come to our church! We have cookies!” Try throwing a teabag cover into a rubbish bin and being stopped by a firm hand and a one-hour long introductory course of environmental thinking. Activists perceive the whole world as an unploughed field for their intervention and you as their prodigal son, capable of helping them in their mission, but in need for some thrashing to begin with.

The Walking Encyclopaedia
There are more things in heaven and earth, than any of us can grasp. But there are people who are good at grasping most of it or pretending to be. Whether you need to make tandoori chicken or to fix your bike, this will be the person to look for. Besides the practical part, he might unfold the evolutionary history of the oven or present you with an appallingly long list of the components of your bike. You might be tempted to contest their omniscience with a tricky question, but it won’t help. In five minutes the bastard will be back with an answer, and a sheer amount of gratitude for such a great opportunity to learn. Except the classical scientific questions like “How old is the Universe?” or “Where do they sell the cheapest chicken in Oslo?” your Encyclopaedia might be also preoccupied with more personal issues, so don’t be surprised when they turn out to know who you are dating and where you got that black eye from.

The Party Animal
Those nocturnal creatures keep to a very steady weekend schedule of leaving home at about 8 o’clock, nice and sober, and returning at 8 o’clock in the morning in a considerably less sober condition. The do run into walls now and then; and sometimes they might confront their neighbours with a apprehension of having found “somebody in their bed” or a thrilling story which involves vomiting, fighting and other derring-do, combined with high “spirits”. You ask yourself how they navigate back home at all and you thank your preferred deity if the actual party didn’t occur at your kitchen.

The Bizarre
There’s something strange about this neighbour. It might be the smell of the food they make or the garments they wear. It might be their skin colour or their disability, the language they speak, the activities they enjoy or the books they read. It doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with them. On the contrary, there might be something wrong with your perceptions. Maybe it’s time for you to think in less conventional terms? After all, broadening your horizons is what exchange program is all about.

The Moody
One day they come to you sobbing over a trifle, next day they beam and swear to have regained their positive worldview. You can never adjust to the dizzying swings of their moods. They also have the tendency of being in two minds about virtually everything and are exceptionally good at complaining. When at some point the Moody understand that their complaints won’t pay off, they start hiding their little tragedies under a mask of complacency. This, however, doesn’t keep them from sulking somewhere where you don’t see them.

The author admits that the bestiary is not fully completed. As yet. So if you can’t find your neighbour among the given descriptions, do complain. Or do make your own.
After all, even the best classification fails to reveal the diversity of those creatures called neighbours.
Had fun?
Move on to step2. And like your neighbour.


в догонку, для педантов, spell-check будет